Romantic History ♥

I'd had a relationship with a man for almost two years. I wasn't living with him. I'd never lived with anyone—and I thought I was worthless without him. The more he rejected me, the more I wanted him. I felt depleted, powerless. At the end, I was down on the floor on my knees groveling and pleading with him.

I became so depressed that I wrote a suicide note . But I couldn't kill myself. I would be afraid the minute I did it, something really good would happen and I'd miss it.

***** was just the best. That man loved me even when I was bald(caused by stupid fringe haircut) ! He was wonderful. He stuck with me through the whole demoralizing experience. We really did care for each other. That man was the most fun romance I ever had. We shared a deep love. A love I will never forget.

Ohh.. getting fatter after all these experiences .

The reason I gained so much weight in the first place and the reason I had such a sorry history of abusive relationships with men was I just needed approval so much. I needed everyone to like me, because I didn't like myself much. So I'd end up with these cruel self-absorbed guys who'd tell me how selfish I was, and I'd say “Oh thank you, you're so right” and be grateful to them. Because I had no sense that I deserved anything else. Which is also why I gained so much weight later on. It was the perfect way of cushioning myself against the world's disapproval .

p/s : I've been liking you for a very long time . But sadly, you left me with pathetic lame excuses .


lots of loves & bighugs :)